Lobotomy Lovers

Henry went to the doc because he was going insane.

He said "Oh Doc, can you help heal my brain?"

The Doc said, "What's the matter? Are you in pain?"

Henry replied, "I'm in love with Shania Twain."

So the Doc replied "No bother, she is very pretty!"

But Henry then said, "I actually like her ditties."

The Doc stood there aghast, feeling lots of pity

for the old man Henry, and his little kitty

For his kitty just stood there, licking its front paw;

of the four that it had, one of them had a flaw.

So this kitty had three paws, the other one was raw.

It's poor Henry's fault - he cut it off with a saw.

The little kitty looked pretty and also pretty sore,

but today it was Henry's turn to come to the fore,

and be treated for his illness that he could no longer ignore.

A lobotomy was needed, now and no more.

So the Doc was operating - Henry was under the knife,

in order to prolong his lonely, loveless life.

In sixty-three years, he'd never had a wife

Instead of going on dates, he went to see East Fife.

The operation ended and it was a success.

The Doc looked at Henry and said "I have to confess;

the operation went well but I have to stress

that the rest of your life - you will be a total mess."

Henry looked at the Doc and he started to cry.

He shouted out loud "Why God? Why?"

Then he left the hospital, saying his goodbyes,

He started to shout out loud, "I want an apple pie!"

So he went to the pie shop and went up to the till,

and said to the waitress whose name was Jill,

"An apple crumble please, give me my fill."

So Jill gave him his fill and also the bill.

Henry sat down and started to think,

that beautiful lady she gave me a wink,

so he went up there to order a drink,

and get her number or another wink.

Jill gave him even more - some oral sex.

He was surprised by the effect.

He went out the cafe and what happened next -

He fainted and died instantly...